


Coming Up for Air

by boychik



Category: Sputnik Sweetheart
Genre: F/F, Haruki Murakami, I'm sorry Orwell, K's pain is delicious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 13:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3070127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boychik/pseuds/boychik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It felt like I had just come up for air after being underwater all this time…”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Up for Air

**Author's Note:**

> This book made me cry like a little bitch multiple times. I recommend it 100%.

Sumire was sitting on the edge of my bed, laying out her heart.

“It was torture, K, laying there in the bed next to Miu, practically twitching with the ecstasy I wanted so badly to impart…You know how gorgeous she is, K, you would be crazy too.”

I wanted to thank Sumire for implying I wasn’t already crazy, but on the other points I wasn’t sure I could agree. Miu’s ears, while certainly not anything to sneeze at, had nothing on Sumire’s newly formed, almost vulnerable-looking ones. Of course, Miu was attractive. I had to admit that. But I’ve had my experiences with older women, and what I felt for them couldn’t begin to approach my feelings for Sumire. This was true both now and in the past.

“Miu’s pajamas were a very soft, thin cotton and I could feel the heat from her skin radiating onto mine—she was that close. I slowly traced my hands up the front of her pajama shirt. She did not stop me, but moved closer. By the time my hands had made it to her breasts, I could feel her nipples already hard, poking at the thin white pajama fabric. She slipped her shirt up and my hands soon followed, seeking to be close to Miu.

“K, I couldn’t see much in the dark, but what I felt was glorious. She’s a grown woman, maybe half her life behind her, but you wouldn’t know it from her breasts. Soft and firm, they fit in my hands so well, molded perfectly as though they were supposed to stay there forever. And the sounds she made were wonderful. Stroking the skin above her nipple, I felt like I had really found something. Whether I could ever encounter that something again, I couldn’t be sure.

“You know, she let me slip off those soft white cotton pajama bottoms of hers and believe it or not underneath was even softer. This is saying something; as you know, Miu chooses her clothes well. She let me rest my face against her. There I breathed, cheek pressed to her silky hair, breath tickling the insides of her thighs. Being so close to that tiny organ that could give her so much pleasure was driving me absolutely insane. She let me touch her, even guiding my finger to that nexus so I could feel the wetness there, smoother than silk. You know, it’s strange, never once could I understand this or even begin to comprehend this feeling. Never once did I feel this way for a man, and now without words everything is clearer than ever.

“It felt like I had just come up for air after being underwater all this time…”

She described my experience so acutely that I wondered how was it that I was not the lesbian in this situation. Sumire, to be the victim of unrequited love and lust, as I had been for so long… This stirred in me the old feelings again, tempered by a sadness that they could not ever be realized. And almost, a jealousy of Miu, if not for Miu. Had I not known Miu’s story, I would have been envious of her.

“Miu tensed up after that. Although she was reasonably enthusiastic until that point, I knew she did not want to go any further. I almost couldn’t control myself, so I forced myself to move away from her, the warmth of her body so recently pressed to mine immediately, horribly dissipating.”

So Miu’s natural curiosity had reached its end far too soon for Sumire’s liking. I felt a great amorphous well of pain rise up in my heart, both for Miu’s inevitable rejection of Sumire and Sumire’s preemptive rejection of me, if you could even call it that.

“There, just a few inches from her on the bed, I felt like I was miles away... I felt so desperately alone. She did not reach out to me, and I lay there positively paralyzed with desire. I existed in that space deeply consumed with lust and feeling more alone than I ever had in our moments prior, and suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore. I excused myself, saying that I had to go back to my room, and then I left. Simple as that.”

It was clear Sumire and I had much in common. To want to pin down our lover and clumsily, physically show them the depths of our feelings. To enter that mysterious space, that place that no one else could go, should go. And perhaps above all, to want our lover to want all of that… There was so much to be said for fighting for the one we love, except we were too polite to do so in the face of unsurmountable obstacles. Not to mention too unlucky to achieve our dreams of romance. But we don’t choose who to love, and fight on we must, be it against them or against our own hearts. Perhaps Sumire, by her vanishment, chose both in the end.


End file.
